I grew tired of living on adrenaline

I grew tired of living on
adrenaline.

Needing double espressos,
drama, deadlines and
urgency just to feel normal.

Tired of seeing the answer
to my stress but choosing
not to face it for fear of
losing my excuses.

“If I do what’s simple, if I
admit it’s simple and I
still don’t make it, what
then?”

Admit I’m not up to it,
that I don’t have what it
takes?

or that I just don’t want
to do what it takes?

Better to make it seem
complex and fail than
make it simple and fail.

If I lose all of this panic
what then?”

I got tired of needing
adrenaline, of needing
to fight fires, of needing
to hold my phone, of
needing to worry that I
should be doing something
of needing alcohol or
cigarettes or food to change
how I felt.

I got tired and
so I stopped.

I made it all simple.

I decided what I valued,
I decided what I wanted,
I decided what I believed
about life, love, business,
success, money, inspiration,
work, worry, about everything
that mattered.

I got really clear and still.

I decided how I would
most simply live it and
I started to live it.

Sometimes slowly and
sometimes more quickly.

And I felt uncomfortable
and scared and awed and
purposeful and amazed
and curious and tired.

But never lost.
Never overwhelmed or anxious
Never burned out
or like I needed to create
adrenaline with my mind
just to feel normal.

I pulled myself into the
present with sunrises,
with long walks in nature,
listening to the ocean and
laughing with my family.

I created freedom with
my clarity…

I felt free.
I feel free.

Like I once did.