When Every interaction you have is either REACTIVE or CREATIVE.

Ed, can we have a meeting tomorrow please?

Sure, about what? Oh nothing to worry about.

Me: sets feelings to worry, sets mind to racing.

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Now I’ve not had a job in 19 years but I still remember that feeling that set my mind racing.

What could it be?

Is this the end?

Hours cut, am I being let go, has someone made a complaint, what will I do in that scenario?

I loop through every possible scenario over and over playing both sides.

I arrive the next day on edge. I’m ready to play defence and the best defence is offence.

I will fight my corner and change his perspective so he understands.

As it turn out I was losing work because the business had lost a load of clients.

I’d had my fears confirmed.

I was right to worry so I’ll turn that into a habit.

It could have gone VERY differently though.

My nervous system was primed for threat and I was preparing for self defence and loss avoidance.

What if the meeting had been taken before the loss of clients or if I’d have been told what had happen and that we would face it together?

What if the message was,

Ed, we love having you here, you’re doing such a great job but I feel like we’re under using you.

Could we have a meeting tomorrow to discuss possibilities and opportunities?

Every interaction we have is either REACTIVE or CREATIVE.

The people involved are either set to PROTECTION where they are focused on lose avoidance and defending against judgement and criticism. Or PROJECTION where their value and safety is not in question and so all that’s left is possibility!

And our default mode is PROTECTION.

When we start communicating to people in a way they doesn’t just suggest but out right explicitly states how much we appreciate them, care about them and value them we are met with a completely different person.

A person who is ready to reach into endless possibility and creativity.

That is the job of a good coach and it is the job of a good leader.