Lessons I've learned from being a parent
Lessons I've learned from being a parent
Don't keep saying 'be careful' - let them fall while you're there. Then afterwards ask, "what will you do differently next time?" Nobody will benefit from being taught they are fragile, least of all girls.
Try instead - be aware.
Don't keep telling your children where they went wrong. Ask, "what will you do differently next time; what did you learn?"
Perfectionists eventually stop trying new things, learners keep seeking new challenges.
Don't Shrink or hide. Stand tall- there is no other secret to bravery but presence. This can't be taught, it has to be demonstrated. This isn't instant, it's grown by constantly showing up and choosing not to focus on your fear.
Frustration from a parent reads likes distain or disapproval to a child. They will always try to escape these feelings by disengaging from the situation. Calmness isn't restraint, it is freedom from internal struggle. You can't fake it.
Presence and attendance are two different things. If you are with your children, be with your children. Your level of presence informs their level of perceived worth.
Emotions in a child are like learning to break when driving. They have to learn to regulate the intensity themselves. Judging them will only make that process more challenging, even a life long struggle.
Children aren't emotion wrecks, they just feel it and let it go. It's the way we are designed. Nurture this rather then berate it and you will create the most calm, emotionally stable humans the world has ever known.
Match their emotion then move away from it together. Humans all want to be understood first. Mocking or denying the existence of or validity of a feeling in another will always intensify their experience.
Practise what you preach. Better still stop preaching and just practise. Kids learn by copying not words.
Self-esteem is I AM AWESOME, not what I produce or look like is awesome. Be careful which you most praise. Product quality can vary as new challenges arise. New challenges require presences in the face of repeat failure. Praise traits like kindness, humility, empathy, gratitude. The repetition of these traits is the secret to a happy and successful life.
Praise effort not results. We can only control the former.
Listening is a two way street, you get what you give.
Ask questions first
Then provide options
Then challenge
Only then ultimatum
The opposite of play isn't work, it's depression. Play isn't a reward it's a human need like food, water and sleep.
Avoid rewarding, comforting, withholding, medicating, or finishing off every meal with sugar or hydrogenated oils - life long habits are formed in childhood.
Always ask, how can I create more freedom in this situation? Humans always fight against control.
Sleep is an involuntary act, it cannot be forced it must be created. Create an environment where you become tired and they will too.
What have your children taught you about life?