Leadership Lies

Leadership Lies

When I talk of leadership I mean both leadership of self as well as others. We operate from our beliefs whether navigating our own way or helping another so I see them as one and the same.

I first noticed this phenomenon in 2004.

The LIES

I was working in a Doctors surgery. The Doc was sending me the 5% of patients that took 80% of his time.

How much do you smoke? I’d ask.

“Oh probably only about one or two a day?”

Voice lifting slightly at the end, turning it into a question. (Curious).

A subtle, will you accept that answer?

This just couldn’t be true.

Which is your favourite cigarette, I’d ask.

Oh, with coffee, or after food.

The more I non-judgementally enquired the more cigarettes would be revealed.

3,5,10,20.

I found the same with food, sleep, working hours, exercise, height, weight, hobbies, relationships, EVERYTHING.

They weren’t so much lying as trying to maintain status even in our brand new relationship. One they asked for to solve a problem, one that they knew required truth.

They were unconsciously trying to manage how I saw them.

I began asking clients to photograph what they ate for a week.

I discovered something surprising.

They weren’t ONLY trying to manage how I saw them.

They were also trying to manage how THEY saw THEMSELVES.

Try to delicately manage their own self perception.

Some would make different decisions just because they knew they would be sharing the pictures.

Some would say it was too hard and quit.

Some would say they “forgot”.

Some would report feeling guilt, shame, embarrassment, or self judgment of some sort.

The 4 stages of learning are:

Unconscious incompetence

Conscious incompetence

Conscious competence

Unconscious competence

And the brain “protects” us from our incompetence by try to keep us unconscious to it by layering it underneath stuff.

Stuff like fear of judgement, shame, embarrassment.

Those things are hollow though.

When we look at them they disappear.

It’s only then that we can start the process of becoming more skilful in the area that we desire growth.

As every great religious text says in some way,

Know the truth and the truth will set you free.

Also know that the brain is invested in protecting your self concept and will protect you with distraction, forgetting, complexity, and emotion.

What effects in your life are you causing that you’d like to change?

How are you causing them?

Ps this bias isn’t BAD it keeps our self esteem in tact. But when we desire new results we must face this bias head on.