Are you playing success?

A client I worked with many years ago was a pro tennis player.

One of the things I had her do was pretend to be her favourite player in practise with her tennis coach.

She came back from training and reported that she’d felt deadly and unstoppable.

She felt like she couldn’t miss and played out of her skin.

Really cool,

but weird.

This should have been a baffling request shouldn’t it?

On top of that how was she able to just do it?

There was seemingly no learning curve.

She just switched it on.

If you have kids you likely already know the answer.

We are imitators almost right from birth.

Imitation forms the basis of learning.

It also forms our mental map of the world.

Our definitions become more and more layered with observation and experience.

We act out our deeply held definitions.

Success as a definition holds what we have seen and experienced:

Have lots of meetings.

Have all the answers.

Always be in demand (on your phone)

Work long hours and take calls at home.

Dress this way, drive this car, holiday here, live in a house like this.

Travel.

Compete.

This might sound crazy but studies show we even compete on walking speed with those we consider successful.

Our definition are so strong that in moments when we aren’t living our definitions we become anxious, agitated, frustrated and all the other ways we don’t like to feel.

I’m walking too slow.

I’m not on my phone.

They aren’t getting to the point.

I haven’t checked my email.

I’m not the one with the idea.

I’m not the one doing all the talking.

I’m not in any meetings.

Our whole lives, for better or worse are a living out and experiencing of our definitions.

And the degree to which you are happy with your life determines whether those definitions are serving you or need some revision.

So how is that done?

Well how do you actually DEFINE success? Write it out now.

Now REFINE it, what is it not, and what is its opposite?

ALIGN - what would you actually be doing if you were living out each of these definitions?

Now you have a map.

No more mirroring, but really living your own definition.