Constant inability to align in almost every area of the business was leading to frustration
He was losing his temper, in meetings, with his team and even more so with the rest of the leadership team.
I’m sharing this because its SO important to understand.
The above is what started our engagement.
He’d recognised he didn’t want to behave this way and wanted to approach things more skilfully.
Constant inability to align in almost every area of the business was leading to frustration which was leading to him trying to force through what he strongly believed need to happen for the good of the clients, the company and his overloaded team.
Already here we form an image of a person DELIBERATELY trying to dominate, intimidate and manipulate calculatingly in order to force through their adjenda.
We have less taste for the FIGHT stress response.
Flight and freeze more easily slip under the radar as people stay quiet, agree, avoid conflict, avoid pointing out what’s not working even if it means meetings ending without decisions and ownership or people spending time doing what doesn’t need doing.
But they all come from a GOOD place.
The feeling of RESPONSIBILITY tends to lead to the fight response but,
They come from the desire to survive which is also to say that the LENS through which he was looking at the world had him convinced that
The client relationship
The company
His team
and himself
Were in real danger ⛔️ of not doing what they said they would do ie delivering!
This is not to absolve the behaviour or remove responsibility for it in any way.
But to stress the fact that frustration, anger, dominating language and behaviour rarely if ever comes from a calculated desire to control.
They come from a place of perceived lost of freedom and fear that the one or the whole collective are at risk if X doesn’t happen.
Fast forward to now and he’s seeing the world through a different LENS.
He’s both a different person AND he’s not.
He’s not because his INTENT hasn’t changed.
He was always an Empathetic, caring, kind person who TRULY wanted everyone to love their work, get along, succeed and deliver high value.
He is because now is behaviours align with that and so others can see that in him too.
Ultimately our behaviours matter.
They are who we are more than our intent but that doesn’t mean our behaviours come FROM a different intent.
He’s now calmer, happier, works 20 few hours per week, his team are no longer overwhelmed AND the company are delivering more than they ever have before and have way more FUN!
We have to start seeing that fight or flight or freeze all come from fear and that fear comes from our brains 🧠 interpretation of the current environments.