The real reason that change is hard

Your brain is absolutely committed to consistency.

This explanation has made a huge difference to many of my clients — perhaps it’ll help you too.

Up until this point, their perspective was that they were inconsistent, weak willed, unmotivated, or somehow didn’t want it enough.

Not in all areas of course, but around those things they had consistently failed to change.

A story confirmed by much of the self-help industry as to why they were failing to create new habits.

The truth is that the brain is committed to consistency.

So committed, in fact, that if it senses you might fail to live up to your identity in some way, it will send emotions and nervous system drives to make sure you conform to that identity. Consistency is protected at all costs.

So even if you desire to say no more often, if your identity is “someone who says yes when asked for help,” in that moment your nervous system will drive that behaviour.

It may look like inconsistency, but really it’s an identity threat between you and the new desired behaviour.

Take another example. Imagine your identity is as someone who always over-delivers on your work.

Now imagine you’re trying to create an exercise habit.

It may appear that weak will or lack of desire is preventing you from creating the habit. But what’s really causing the problem is your work identity and what you believe is required to demonstrate it.

It’s the fear of losing identity that stands in the way.

The thing about identity is that most of us didn’t actively decide who we are. We were told — by parents, teachers, family, friends, community, culture.

So our brain drives us to maintain an identity we may now be ready to let go of. Hence the internal conflict.

So how do you shift your identity?

• Get clear on what you believe.

• Get clear on the consequences you no longer want.

• Get clear on the consequences you do want.

• Speak up. Tell the world: this is who I am now, this is what I’ve learned about myself, and these are the new actions that align with who I am.

Place your focus only on the action and you’ll always be fighting your brain and identity.

Reimagine who you are and start sharing it with the world — and the action becomes effortless.

The clearer you are about your new identity and the actions that support it, the easier the new behaviours will be.