There is No Such Thing As Negative People
There have long been stories from practitioners working in mental health clinics of anxious or depressed people carrying a particular sweet odour.
Sometimes it’s easy to forget we are animals.
Our senses are constantly on high alert for changes in the environment.
Detecting a subtle rise in testosterone in the group (smell) you are in could be the difference between a good and bad night today, years ago it might have saved a life or two I can imagine.
A collaboration between our senses*, the Amygdala in the brain and our nervous system serves to set something called Hedonic tone.
* Sense track postures, facial expression, tone, languages and everything else in the environment besides in order to create safety - this doesn’t necessarily mean they interpret correctly.
Without being too geeky this means perceived safety level and ultimately it communicates with us via how we feel.
That's not emotion, it’s not trying to trigger action yet, it’s just on alert. It’s sort of like agitation or arousal level on a spectrum. It’s feelings. This is super useful to know because really it’s the home of negativity. If we are having negative thoughts or catching ourselves speaking negatively it’s because of a raise in our hedonic tone.
If someone else is talking negatively and we notice it, what it means is that they are at a greater threat level than us right now. They aren’t negative people, their hedonic tone is just higher than ours is in this moment.
This could mean a whole bunch of stuff. They have a lot changing in their lives right now.
Perhaps they have nothing changing and they are wondering when they are going to see the result of their efforts. Maybe they haven’t made sense of what’s going on in their life right now and the uncertainty has them on higher alert. Or just maybe they are tired, dehydrated, high of caffeine or low on sugar.
The point is that there are no negative people. So before you go cutting negative people out of your life or your company (as many influencers advise) try a few other things.
Get curious, ask more questions and listen intently. You might help them lower their tone.
Secondly, check out your own tone. The more attention you put on your sleep, hydration, movement and diet the more permission you will inadvertently give them and the more calm you will be for them.
Humans are wired to mirror behaviour, that’s where that phrase “be the change you wish to see in the world” comes from. If you are the leader then you set the tone. This is tribal and unavoidable, fear mirrors and amplifies fear. Certainty mirrors certainty.
