Advice falls into one of 4 camps

Giving advice is hard. Getting advice is hard. It’s hard because we are humans dealing with humans. That mean we have no idea if someone is feeling judged and criticised and we are adding to their struggle or feeling acceptance, connection and care and we are supporting them to clarity, direction, focus and strategy.

The below is a tongue in cheek look at how we might think about advice.

Advice falls into one of 4 camps

1. Unsolicited / Unqualified

2. Unsolicited / Qualified

3. Solicited / Unqualified

4. Solicited / Qualified

Camp one is, I am, in this moment at least, an idiot and I don’t even know it. I’ve lost all perspective. I know from experience that this is a dangerous place to be. Largely because you, at the time, have no idea it’s you.

The receiver here would benefit from choosing not to be offended but rather should focus on having sympathy for someone looking for a much needed ego boost.

Try “interesting ideas John, I’ll certainly keep that in mind”.

Camp two, if it’s possible is in an even more vulnerable state. This individual has convinced themselves that the world can’t survive without their knowledge. They are likely a evangelical something - Vegan, Crossfitter, person who has lived abroad.

There advice though qualified likely finds you at the wrong time for you. Rather than add it to the list of things you aren’t doing add the idea to the list of potential things you could do if you enjoy it and it works for you. Try and let go of your frustration with the giver. Is not about you it’s about them and their need for validation right now.

Camp three, as the giver here you must acknowledge that THEY have a lot of trust in you. The only way you can blow it now is to give them advice. What they are telling you is that they are overwhelmed.

The best thing you can do here is ask them questions that help them increase their awareness around the current reality.

When they have a broader perspective they will find what’s right for them.

Congratulations, you are now more qualified than the next guy.

Camp four. This camp is not without its dangers. Firstly, camp three is on to something. Try that if you can. The worry here is handing out overwhelm.

The job here is to help them and you to map the current reality, things that may have worked in the past, their current capacity.

If advice must be given then list all the possible and most simple options and the consequences and considerations of. The more freedom of choice you can provide the better.

Give no advice without skin in the game. As Nassim Taleb says. “Eat what you feed to others” and “Skin in the game keeps human hubris is check”

As the receiver you must realise that what ever you choose it is 100% on you. You cannot abdicate responsibility and life won’t get better if you do.

We have all been all of these and likely will bad again. This for me at least is a useful way to think about it.