I will be judged

I will be judged for the clothes I wear

I will be judge for the things that I say and even how I say them
I will be judged for what I write, how I write, my spelling, my grammar
I will be judged for all of my decisions and actions
I will be judged for what I consume, books, tv, food, drinks
I will be judged for my facial expressions
Every part of me that I make visible will be judged in order to infer the things that are in my head and my heart

I know this because I do it to others although I constantly fight this instinct.

We derive meaning from everything that happens around us in order to measure our acceptance and our safety in our tribe

We are most critical of the behaviours we see in others that we fear we exhibit ourselves. 

We so fear the judgement of others that we adjust ourselves in order to fit in. That’s the irony; we use our own judgements of others to gauge how we should behave in order to avoid their judgement. 

So we say ‘me too’ ‘I agree’ ‘oh I’d love some’. We adapt, water down, round of the edges, we become carbon copies, blend in, disappear. 

The point we miss is that we base our perception of how we will be judged on our own stereotypes thinking that those stereotypes are some how universal or even accurate. 

But a quick look at any stereotype that you fit into will quickly reveal that stereotypes are ALWAYS inaccurate. 

The real sadness is that in our attempt to avoid judgement we lose sight of who we are and end up actually being less than we are, and having less than we want, the thing we most fear in the first place. 

In doing so we end up attracting a life that we don’t want for ourselves, one of inner conflict and self judgement and second guessing how we ‘should’ behave. 

So stick your middle finger up to judgement, tell the world- this is who I am, this is what I believe, this is how I choose to live and I will not compromise. 

Then people will see you. 

They will see what you have and say ‘I want what s/he has” because they are fighting the same battle as you are, as I am. 

BE YOU not them. That’s what you’re best at and the only way to get better at it is to do it all the time.

Ed Ley