2. You’re using hierarchy to move people.
You have become so wrapped up in urgency that you are crossing the boundaries into telling people what to do or doing things for them. This serves to make them think that they are useless and that you think you are better than them. Driving stress, poor culture, quiet quitting and high staff churn
3. You have become reliant upon short term negative consequences to cause you to act
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More than anything else your energy is contagious.
Enthusiasm and passion are great and I’ve seen leaders carry themselves on it for incredible lengths of time.
But wired energy, nervous energy, hyper vigilant energy, afternoon energy slumps and home energy crashes take their toll on your health, ability to focus, and your significant relationships while also setting the tone for the type of energy running through the business.
The best part is, that these changes don’t require massive investments in time and energy outside of what you’re already committing to.
They just require a change in habit. The reward will be more energy, more focus, more clarity, more calm and more presence.
The potential of where those things will take you and your business are impossible to measure and limited only by your imagination
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Getting defensive
Withdrawing from some people
Explaining to people how they’re wrong
Getting agree when people cancel on me
Basically being someone other than I wanted to be with others.
I was pretty relieved when I discovered everyone has their own version of this going on.
Although probably a far less sarcastic version.
The brain is always measuring our level of safety within the tribe
Via a part of the brain called the Anterior Cingulate Cortex (mostly) it constantly scans for risk of loss or opportunity to gain hierarchy and connection.
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He’s now in a worse position than when he started. He’s not happy with how he looks, feels and performs and on top of that he has a lower opinion of himself and his abilities at least in this area.
Fold this into a business context and you can apply these problems (and results) to both yourself as a leader but also to your team.
A goal focus leads to an unhappy process, constant stress and overwhelm, the feeling that you are always behind, that you and your staff and never quite good enough or that the client is too demanding.
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They used to freak me out too cos I had this idea that I needed to know the steps to get there even if they didn’t.
Now I look forward to hearing what they say because it’s just so blood inspiring to watch.
But the myth that comes with the idea of achieving the dream is that we have to do something radical, that’s what stops them including it too.
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When we extract the lessons the memory shrinks and at the same time we become more whole in the present and better equipped to succeed at the same challenge.
Often my clients will produce exact steps of how to go about failing at the very challenge they have come to me for help with. With that comes the confident of success in the present.
Thought that might be a cool thing to know. I have found it seriously useful and often I’ll notice that I’m noticeably more relaxed from day to day.
Christina made this off hand comment to me while were skiing in France over Christmas
We were having that, are you going to make any New Years resolution conversation.
It sort of means, what would make next year better than this year when you think about it and I like that.
I had decided that I wanted to start growing my business in Denmark rather than just the Uk and I was unsure how I wanted to do it.
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Location guilt seems to be the thing we’re talking about when we say work life balance
When we are at home we should be at work when at work we should be at home and that’s without throwing fitness and friends into the mix.
We end up only seeing friends that fit the formula and doing exercise that does too.
It can be like a constant battle for good enough or avoiding too many arguments or criticism.
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The members and clientele were people I had created personal relationships with many of them for years before. Recently though a mass of members had joined that treated the place and people in it disrespectfully. I couldn’t see a way out, I felt like it was going to be a long journey what ever plan I created.
There is no such thing as a quick fix though right? Anything worth having takes time... right?
WRONG
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We did this thing when I was a kid when we sat down to eat as a family where we would thank God for our food before we ate.
I never completely understood why and I was never completely comfortable doing it but clearly made an impact on me. This was a practise recommended in the Bible.
Regardless of whether you believe in a God or not for a book to survive as long as it has is pretty mind blowing and it is clearly packed with wisdom. It got me thinking about gratitude.
We seem to have created a way of thinking that tells us that time is a more primary part of change than it is. We might say that it takes a lot of time to build a house or it take a long time to build a business or a relationship or a life.
But really those are all process driven. It takes the time those processes take, the quality of those processes, multiplied by the speed of execution.
